


Running with Scissors

by smaragdbird



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, M/M, Mutual Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Pre-Slash, Team as Family, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 16:24:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21164612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: In the aftermath of the destruction of the Starkiller Base, Poe's running himself ragged to get everything done. But luckily his friends and especially Leia and Finn are there for him to catch him when he falls.





	Running with Scissors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scatteredmoonlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatteredmoonlight/gifts).

In his dreams Finn never came to rescue him. In his dreams they tortured him again and again, asking questions he refused to answer only to have Kylo Ren rip them from his mind. On other nights the run on the Starkiller Base had failed and he was the last survivor, the only one captured while everyone else he knew was dead, the Ilenium System destroyed and the Republic bowing down to the First Order. Even those dreams came back to the same room, the same torture, only that now they didn’t ask him questions anymore. They tortured him for entertainment, Kylo Ren among them.

Poe woke up soaked in sweat and with a pounding headache. Next to his bed BB8 rolled up and down on the spot, chirping worriedly. Not for the first time Poe wondered if he was talking in his sleep.

“Morning, buddy”, he said and patted BB8’s casing before he headed to the refresher. It was early enough that it was still dark outside but Poe knew he would be unable to sleep anyway so he might as well get some work done. They still had to locate a suitable new planet for their new base since, Starkiller or no Starkiller, the First Order knowing where they were had everyone on edge. There were also new pilots that needed training and the belongings of their fallen had to be sent back to their families. They also needed to coordinate their efforts with the Republic Fleet or rather what was left of it.

The shower helped against the tiredness but not against the pounding headache he had since the crash on Jakku. But Poe knew that if he went to the infirmary Major Kalonia would bench him and right now the Resistance needed all hands on deck. Besides it was just a headache. Nothing he couldn’t cure with three cups of caf and some painkillers.

The painkillers he had at hand weren’t strong enough to soothe his headache completely but together with the caf he grabbed from the mess hall it was enough to take the edge off. Not many people were up this early in the morning and technically Poe’s shift didn’t start for a couple more hours but there was one thing he had been putting off for the past few days.

/

“Already up, Commander Dameron?” Statura asked, who had been saddled with the nightshift. Usually they wouldn’t have had an admiral doing security monitoring at all but Statura had volunteered, saying it gave him time to review the logistics data as well.

Poe threw him a grin. “Got work to do, sir.”

Statura yawned. “Don’t we all?”

“Quiet night?” Poe asked, not that it was much of a question. If it hadn’t been quiet the alarm would’ve made sure that they had all known it.

Statura nodded, hiding another yawn behind his hand. “Sorry, Commander.”

“I can take over the rest of your shift if you want”, Poe offered. Someone should get their sleep even if it wasn’t him.

“You have more than enough – “

“Seriously, Admiral, I don’t mind. I have to record the messages to the families of our fallen pilots anyway. Keeping an eye on the radar while I do it...it’ll help. Keep me grounded.”

Statura hesitated. He was dead tired, they all were, but he was their logistics chief officer. The Resistance needed him more than they needed Poe. “If you’re sure...”

Poe nodded. “I am. I promise you, sir, you’re doing me a greater favour than I’m doing you.”

“I doubt that”, Statura replied, “but thank you, Commander Dameron.”

“No need”, Poe said. “Good night, sir.”

He waited until Statura had left the room before he took his place. Poe hadn’t been lying when he had said that a distraction from recording the messages for the people the Resistance had lost, on both Takodana and during the run on the Starkiller Base.

Seven of them had made it out alive, including him. Less than a third of the starfighters they had had three days ago. Poe swallowed around his tight throat and opened the list of their dead on his holo pad. It was an alphabetical list and Iolo’s name was right at the top.

Iolo had told them once how on Kesh, everyone was bearing the name of their village as their last name and that people never married someone with the same name. Iolo had always complained how backwards this tradition was. But he had also complained about the lighting in the Fleet quarters, how boring the colours of every planet except Kesh was, and in general Iolo had always been the first to complain about anything that came to his mind. Iolo had simply liked complaining. 

Poe pressed the record button. “To the village of Arana, I regret to inform you that Captain Iolo has been killed in action. He gave his life so that others – “a sob interrupted him and Poe hit the stop button. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t record a meaningless message to Iolo’s family.

He had to. It was his duty as Iolo’s commanding officer to tell his family. They deserved to know how brave Iolo had been. That his death hadn’t been in vain. Poe took a deep breath and started again. “To the village of Arana...”

It only took him seven more attempts to record it properly.

/

By mid-morning the headache was back to full force and even the usual combination of caf and painkillers didn’t make it go away. His students didn’t seem to notice anything though. Teffer had been the one to teach the recruits but Teffer …for a moment Poe swore he heard him screaming as the TIE fighter crashed into him. They always screamed if they what was coming for them – 

“Commander Dameron, sir?” One of his students’ tentative voice pulled him back to the present.

“Sorry, Marilla”, Poe gave her a reassuring smile. “You had a question?”

They were good kids, bright students even but teaching wasn’t something Poe had much experience with and he felt like he was letting them down. They deserved better, needed better if they wanted to survive against the First Order in battle. But then again all the skills in the world wouldn’t save them if luck wasn’t on their side. Poe wondered how he could teach them that they could do everything right and still die, still had to watch their friends die when the flaming wracks of their ships crashed or went up in a fireball, still had to listen to the screams and pleas and strangled noises people made when their cockpits decompressed.

Instead he gave them an unannounced test about cockpit schematics.

When it was finally lunch time he asked them to upload their answers and added, “See you for the sim at 1600. Those who get the best three scores in this test and the sim get to fly for real tomorrow.”

An excited murmur swept through the class and Poe couldn’t remember ever being so young.

“Now go get something to eat.”

/

“You look like shit”, Snaps said when Poe met him as soon as he had come back from his reconnaissance flight. Poe was actually a little envious at how much time Snaps got to spend in the cockpit but then again he had accepted his promotion knowing what it would entail.

“Such charm, how do you stay single?” Poe quipped and then immediately wanted to shoot himself for it. He wasn’t sure how far Kare and Snaps had gotten and now he would never find out because Kare had been shot down. “Sorry, I just - “

Snaps waved him off. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

Poe didn’t add that he kept forgetting Kare was dead. As if his brain couldn’t deal with that fact so it just refused to acknowledge it. “You’ve got a planet for me?” He asked instead and Snaps opened the holo-scans of the potential planets he had visited.

Three hours later they had narrowed it down to five planets that looked promising although two of them were inhabited, which was always problematic. “Take Jess and Nien to check out those three more closely. I’ll give you three of the kids as well. Tell me how they’re doing.”

“Does that mean you’ll finally get some sleep tomorrow?” Snaps asked.

Poe grinned. “I have a meeting with the Republic’s Fleet command tomorrow.”

“Heard they’re trying to run the show instead of handing the reins to the General.”

“That’s why she wants me to talk to them. Make them see reason.” Poe wasn’t sure why Leia thought he would fare better than she had but he trusted her.

“She wants you to smile at them and have them fall in line”, Snaps grinned even if it didn’t reach his eyes. Nobody’s smiles did these days. “What are you up to now?”

“I’ve got the kids for a flight sim at 1600. But I’m going to medbay first.”

“Good.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “To see how Finn’s doing.”

“Of course you do”, Snaps muttered behind him.

/

“Hey.”

“Hey”, Finn’s blindingly beautiful smile proved more effective against Poe’s headache than anything else he had tried today.

“How you’re feeling, buddy?”

“Useless”, Finn replied, “but slightly less useless than yesterday.”

“You saved us all, you deserve a break”, Poe said and squeezed Finn’s hand. “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“As if you’d be any different in my position”, Finn teased him. He hadn’t taken his hand back yet either which Poe certainly wasn’t going to draw attention to.

“I’m a model patient”, Poe claimed, barely managing to keep a straight face.

“That’s not what I’ve heard”, Finn replied. He was smiling again which was good to see because for the first few days Finn hadn’t coped well with his new situation.

“You’ve been listening to gossip?” Poe pretended to be scandalised.

“Maybe”, Finn grinned, “or maybe I found a binary translator and BB8 told me everything.”

Poe laughed and gently hit Finn’s shoulder. “Nice try.”

“One of the nurses mentioned that he’s seen you here more often in the past few days than the entire last year”, Finn said. 

“That just means I have exceptionally good health.”

Finn gave him a disbelieving look but didn’t press the topic any further. “I’ve tried standing today in physiotherapy.”

“How did it go?”

“Not well”, Finn said with a frustrated expression. “I told them I wanted to try again this afternoon but they said I shouldn’t push myself and that we’ll try again tomorrow.”

Poe could understand Finn’s frustration but he also knew that some things couldn’t be pushed. “Hey”, he said, squeezing Finn’s shoulder. “You’ll be up and running in no time.”

“It’d be nice to get out of bed at least”, Finn said, sounding less than convinced.

“Remember what you’ve been through in the last few days? We crashed on Jakku, you had to walk through the desert, were attacked by the First Order, by Rathar, by pirates, the First Order again and then you saved us all by getting the shield down and opening up the way into the reactor before kicking Kylo Ren’s ass at a lightsaber battle. Take a break, buddy. Most days are not going to be this exciting.”

“Rey kicked his ass, not me”, Finn replied.

“That’s not what Rey said”, Poe countered and squeezed his shoulder. “Remember you’ll always have a place here whether you can walk or not.”

"The First Order knows where we are. Don’t tell me we won#t be evacuating soon. I’m not much use if I can’t even stand.”

“You don’t have to be useful, Finn, to justify your existance. Besides, that’s not what I meant. It doesn’t matter what planet we’re on, you’ll always have a place with me.” He had to be more tired than he had thought to let his feelings slip out like this. Finn looked into his eyes as if he was searching for something, but Poe didn’t think he could bear to see Finn’s expression if he didn’t find it, so he put a hand on Finn’s thigh to distract him. 

/

“Let’s do it, let’s get you to your feet”, Poe said as he helped Finn to push his legs over the edge of the bed. Finn wrapped his arms around Poe’s neck and Poe’s clasped behind Finn’s back. “Tell me when you’re ready.”

Finn took a deep breath. Then another and then he nodded. Poe pulled while Finn pushed himself of the edge of the bed. In the first moment his knees gave in but his grip around Poe’s neck and Poe’s arms around his torso kept him from crumbling to the ground. 

It was a strange sensation to have to consciously will the muscles in his legs and back to work together. With considerable effort Finn managed to shift his feet into a better position and slowly pressed his knees backwards. The seconds seemed to drag on as he moved bit by bit but then suddenly he was hanging in Poe’s arms like dead weight but instead they were face to face and Poe’s smile was so bright it was blinding. 

“Told you, you can do it, buddy.”

Finn laughed in response. He hadn’t felt this happy since he had found Rey on the Starkiller Base. It was as if light and warmth were flooding his entire body and he felt as if he could take on the entire galaxy in this moment. “I did it.”

“You’re still doing it”, Poe pointed out, laughing too, and looking at him so admiringly like Rey had back on Jakku when she had thought he was a Resistance fighter.

Finn wasn’t even fully conscious of the fact that he was leaning forward when a spike of pain shot through his back and he grimaced. 

“All right”, Poe said and helped him sit down on the bed again, slowly, as not to make the pain any worse. “Let’s leave it here before we end up doing more damage than good.”

He was right but Finn felt a new kind of confidence with the knowledge that he could stand if he really wanted to. Even if he had to spend the next day in bed again that knowledge couldn’t be taken away from him. “I did it”, he said again, half to himself and half to Poe, who was still looking at him like Finn was the most amazing person he had ever seen.

“You’ll be okay, Finn”, Poe told him and for the first time in two weeks Finn believed him.

/

Finn was sitting on his bed, doing some stretches to warm himself up for his physiotherapy when they brought Poe in. He craned his neck to get a better look but all he could see was Poe lying on a med as if he was asleep or unconscious. 

“Is he okay?” Finn asked one of the medics that passed him and in the same moment thought it was a stupid question because if Poe was okay he wouldn’t be here.

The medic shrugged. “He collapsed on the way here. We don’t know why yet.”

Finn wanted to ask if Poe’s life was in danger but the medic had already left. He was distracted during his session and more interested in whether Poe was fine or not than how to make his legs work again.

He knew it was serious when Leia came to the med bay as well. Finn saw her talk to Major Kalonia for a moment, who was shaking her head to whatever Leia had asked, before coming over to Finn’s bed.

“How are you doing Finn?” She asked. 

“I’m fine”, Finn replied automatically. “Is Poe – ?” he didn’t dare to finish the question.

Leia looked even more tired and weighed down with guilt than before. “He collapsed shortly after his meeting with Fleet High Command. He…do you know about a disease called bloodburn?”

Finn shook his head.

“It affects primarily young pilots. Space fighters, swoop jockeys, pod racers…Poe’s mother died from it.”

Finn felt his throat tighten. “You don’t mean…. Poe’s not going to…”

“I don’t know”, Leia said. “It’s triggered by stress.”

“Is there a cure?”

“In a manner of speaking. If it is bloodburn then Poe would have to stop flying.”

To Poe that would be like a death sentence, Finn thought. He remembered Poe’s enthusiasm for getting to fly a TIE fighter. “Can I see him?” Poe had helped him so much, had been there for him, now Finn wanted to be there for Poe.

“Major Kalonia says not before tomorrow.”

Finn felt guilty, not just for being useless but also because he hadn’t noticed how badly Poe had been over the last two weeks. Then again, he had met Poe when he had just been tortured for two days straight. In comparison to that everything would look healthy.

“It’s not your fault, Finn”, Leia said as if she could read his mind. “We all…I asked too much of him.”

“I think Poe asks too much of himself”, Finn replied. For all his lectures about Finn taking it easy, he seemed to be very bad at following his own advice.

“I’m so used to relying on him…I’m not sure how to keep myself from doing it again.”

A slow smile spread over Finn’s face. “I think I have an idea.”

/

“Ma’am that’s not necessary. I can work.”

Even just listening through the door, Finn knew that Leia looked as if she was about to strangle Poe if he said one more word. “No, you cannot. I already pushed you too far.”

“You did not”, Poe insisted. “The First Order will retaliate soon. How can I help if you send me home?”

“I have an assignment for you, Poe.”

“What?” Poe sounded clearly taken aback by this development. “What is it? We’re not using the old base, are we? One of the Rebellion’s most famous battle grounds is not much of a hideout.”

“Follow me.”

The door opened and the first thing Poe did when he saw Finn was smiling. “Hey, buddy, you’re here to see me off?”

“Nah”, Finn replied, shifting in the hover chair. “I’m coming with you.”

“To Yavin? Why?”

“I’m your new assignment.”

Poe stared at him.

“Finn said you’re a great support to him in his physiotherapy”, Leia explained. “And an evacuating military base is not the right environment for him. As you said, the First Order will come for us. I need both of you to fight it, but I need you in fighting condition. You will help Finn recover and then you will come back here and together with Rey and Finn you will lead us to victory against the First Order. Do you understand these orders, commander?”

Poe, who had opened his mouth halfway through Leia’s speech, most likely to protest, now slowly closed it, glancing from Finn to Leia and back. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good”, Leia replied, then fixed Finn with her gaze. “The same goes for you.”

“Yes, Ma’am”, Finn replied. 

“I will see you fully rested and recovered in a few weeks then.” The ways she said it, it sounded more like an order than parting words.

Poe stared at Leia’s retreating back for a few more moments before he turned to Finn. “This was your plan, wasn’t it?”

Absolutely”, Finn grinned, reached out and laced their fingers together. “I’m going to save you again, Poe Dameron. You’ve got a problem with that?”

Poe started to smile, slow and warm, reaching up to his eyes for the first time since their reunion on Ilenium before the Starkiller Base run. “Not at all, buddy.”


End file.
